UN Needs to step in to Malkin Situation

There's been some really crazy off season stories so far in the NHL. It's a great thing for them too, because it gets them publicity when the mainstream drive-by media will go out of their way. But for those media outlets that do enjoy covering the current events, it provides hours upon hours of endless commentary and a train wreck the North American public can not seem to take their eyes off of.

I have been getting emails and comments about what to do about this Evgeni Malkin situation. It has really been a sensational throwback to the cold war days when athletes had to engage in espionage and flee their homeland by sneaking out. The NHL had never seen this since Petr Nedved (currently of the Flyers). There is even a segment of the NHL fandom that isn't even old enough to remember the 72 Summit series or the 1980 Lake Placid games.

Malkin must have really felt intimidated by the bosses that run things in Eastern Europe. Since winding up in Los Angeles, Malkin has told reporters tales that are most certainly odd and feared for his personal safety and those of his loved ones.

So, the drama needs to continue to rachet up the publicity of the league and the game to the drive-by media. I propose that the UN Security council get involved so that Malkin can not worry about his livelihood and is able to begin his professional career.

It would work out so well that I can't think of a more corrupt and inept organization to match the Russian Ice Hockey Federation than the United Nations. They can both meet in their council buildings and each talk their language of bureaucratic b.s. and come out with some lazy and irresponsible security council resolution unenforceable that is not even worth the paper it is written on.

While Malkin soaks up the L.A. sun and enjoys the rest of his summertime off-season, the UN soldiers, trademarked by their powder-blue beanies, can march off from East Tibor like the soldiers seen in the above picture and surround ice rinks where the Penguins practice ready to pounce on "Igor" and "Vlady" should they advance on the young impressionable hockey star.

[Via: Pittsburgh Post Gazette & Pittsburgh Post Gazette]